Dear Lucy: I have been ill for some time. I read your articles and you have said that the most important part of healing is forgiveness. I have tried to forgive those who have hurt me so much but I cannot forget what they did to me. My pastor says that when we forgive it is not complete until we forget. How do you forget?
– Still Sick
Dear Still Sick: Most of us have been told that forgetting and forgiving go hand in hand. I don't agree. Memories always live in us at some level, conscious or unconscious. There are many things I thought I had forgotten only to have them pop up one day under unexpected provocation.
It is not that we forgive and miraculously forget the slight or the hurt. What we must do is forgive and also let go of the sting, resentment, vengefulness and anger over the memory of the hurtful event.
For me, nothing could eclipse my happiness for Lupita Nyong'o when she won her Oscar as Best Supporting Actress a few nights ago. I was not only thrilled for her but for the profound, timely and necessary message brought to the world by the movie, "12 Years a Slave." This young woman has taken Hollywood and the movie-viewing world with her extraordinary poise and humility wrapped around her awesome talent.
What may not be widely known is that just a few days before her Oscar win, Lupita received an award at the seventh annual Black Women in Hollywood Luncheon hosted by Essence Magazine. Her award was for Best Breakthrough Performance. On this occasion she delivered the speech below.
I concur with most who heard it that it is (sadly in 2014) a speech about beauty and self-image that every young brown, black, red or yellow girl should get to hear. It was first posted online by Time Magazine. I found a video and transcript at upworthy.com.
In all organized sports, there are clearly defined rules that must be adhered to. In all universities, there are clearly stated guidelines for admittance. In all religions, there are shared beliefs that all members must adhere to. Without these clearly defined rules of engagement (ROEs), there can be no order within groups; and without order there is nothing left but chaos.
Groups and organizations, by definition are all predicated upon certain agreed upon principles and values. These agreed upon principles and values are the raison d'etre of these entities.
You join the Boy Scouts, for example, because you are a boy and you join the Girl Scouts because you are a girl. You are a male because you are born with a penis and you are a girl because you are born with a vagina. These things used to be unquestioned statements of fact.
Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul speaks about racial issues both more often and in blunter terms than almost any prominent white Republican politician in the country, building a unique brand for himself that could help in his likely 2016 presidential run but also taking stands that are more controversial than his fellow conservatives.
Other Republicans, including Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisc,) and Rep. Eric Cantor (R-Va.), speak regularly about income inequality and tout familiar conservative policies to appeal to black Americans, such as school vouchers. And Paul is not alone in urging the GOP to expand its base beyond conservative, white voters: the Republican National Committee released an entire report on this issue last year.
But Paul's approach is unique. He avoids euphemisms often used by GOP politicians like "inner city" or "low-income" to speak in direct terms about blacks, both as a group Paul says his policies will help and a segment of the population he wants to get to vote for Republicans. He has joined in traditionally-Democratic causes, like urging the restoration of voting rights for convicted felons, while at the same time annoying African-Americans with such a self-confidence on racial issues that last year he detailed the history of the Republican Party and race to a group of students at Howard University who then angrily told the senator they knew those facts as well as he does.
Ted Nugent must be made of Teflon.
There is nothing too controversial the rocker and NRA board member can say about President Obama or people of color that would make him off limits to elected Republicans.
Nugent whose racialized language about the nation's first black president should alienate him from Republicans who are not on the fringe, but with the news of his joint appearance with Republican gubernatorial candidate Gregg Abbott, it seems Teflon Ted is still beloved by many in the Republican ranks.
Don Lemon's unsolicited social commentary this year on the things holding back the black community and the New York Police Department's stop-and-frisk policy earned him a level of contempt typically directed at the Supreme Court's lone black justice.
Lemon's critics, much like Thomas', question his understanding of the issues facing African-Americans. The CNN anchor's focus on sagging pants and littering was as disturbing to them as Justice Thomas comparing affirmative action to Jim Crow or siding with the majority in striking down a key provision of the Voting Rights Act. Lemon could have focused on mass incarceration, urban school closures, or one of the other important issues facing communities of color. His decision not to do so earned him a stern rebuke from Russell Simmons, theGrio's Goldie Taylor and others who questioned his motives and found his analysis to be woefully inadequate.
Despite the criticism he received, Don Lemon isn't alone in his analysis of the things holding African-Americans back. A 2010 Pew report found that 52 percent of African-Americans believe blacks who cannot get ahead are mainly responsible for their situation, while only 34 percent cited racial discrimination as the main reason. The study found that this view was markedly different fifteen years prior, when almost 60 percent of blacks saw discrimination as the main factor holding African-Americans back.
Pope Francis is displaying an extraordinary style and passion that demands our attention. He addresses the needs of the poor, embraces the outcasts, and loves those on the margins of society. In this recent "apostolic exhortation," The Joy of the Gospel, he raises a moral challenge to both his church and his world.
Like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Pope Francis calls upon people of faith to "go forth" to preach and practice their faith. "I prefer a church," he writes, "which is bruised, hurting and dirty because it has been out on the streets, rather than a church which is unhealthy for being confined and from clinging to its own security."
Pope Francis raises a profound moral voice against "trickle-down theories," which put a "crud and naïve trust in the goodness of those wielding economic power." We have created "new idols," he warns, in the worship of money and markets. The result is that "human beings are themselves considered consumer goods to be used and then discarded." We have witnessed "a globalization of indifference," in which the poor are dehumanized and ignored.