The Root Read All 123 Pages of Trumpcare

Here's what you need to know.

Michael Harriott, The Root | 3/11/2017, 9:52 a.m.
Here's what you need to know.
Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-Wis.), center (Chuck Somodevilla/Getty Images via The Root)

While Donald Trump presides over this poorly produced reality show that we call a presidency, we must admit that it has been extraordinarily entertaining so far. Although the thrilling tales about the administration’s secret Russian rendezvous and Trump’s paranoid schizophrenic late-night tweets about dead people voting and phone tapping keep us glued to our favorite cable news channels, they don’t really influence the bottom-line lives of the average American. When—not if—we find out that Trump is actually a Russian cyborg who runs off a tanning bed power charger buried in the basement of his Mar-a-Lago resort, we will be neither surprised nor adversely affected.

But the American Health Care Act is a different story.

The House Republicans’ plan to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act is making its way through Congress, slowly garnering the support of skeptical conservatives hell-bent on stripping away access to health care for the 2o million people insured under Obamacare. To save your retinas from burning from acute overexposure to bullshit, The Root pored through every word of this dumpster fire of a legislative proposal to answer all of your questions about what it means to you.

Here are the answers to the most important questions regarding the bill:

What is Trumpcare?

The American Health Care Act is the Republican version of the Affordable Care Act. Like most legislation, it is a bill that began in the House of Representatives. Unlike most legislation, however, there was no debate on the House floor. It was written behind closed doors by a select group of Republicans to replace Obamacare while they snorted cocaine and took shots of Russian vodka.

You’re probably saying, “I doubt they drank and did coke,” but how do you know? It was behind closed doors. Plus, I’ve read the bill, and I’m not so sure.

Why does Obamacare need replacing?

That is a complex question. Conservatives have a number of problems with the Affordable Care Act. They don’t like the “socialist” aspects of the law. To be fair, the ACA is socialist—as are many other American programs, including public schools, fire departments, public libraries, roads and police departments.

They also cite the costs of Obamacare and that it is an entitlement program. Republicans hate entitlements—unless you count corporate welfare, farm subsidies, international aid and various tax loopholes. They always ignore one etymological fact: It is our money; therefore, we are “entitled” to it.

But the biggest, most egregious problem with Obamacare is the “Obama” part. After Osama bin Laden was killed, two wars were winding down and the economy was recovering from the biggest recession since the 1920s, Republicans needed a villain to run against, and they chose Obamacare. For eight years they promised to repeal and replace it, figuring they’d never have to come up with an actual alternative, because the next president would veto their proposals. The only way their ingenious plan would fail was if, instead of selecting a public servant with 50 years of public service, America chose a reality-show assclown to serve as president.